Remembering my Dad

Today has made it officially one year from the day that I lost a man that was very close to me. A man that was one of my best friends. When we were together we were like two peas in a pod. We were always laughing, telling jokes and probably annoying my Mom :-). My Dad died of a heart attack while he was in a rehabilitation center just overcoming a broken pelvis. He had fallen a few months back in the shower and laid there in pain in the shower for hours until my Mom got home from work. He was a double amputee (both legs to his knees were gone) due to diabetes. He was my inspiration when it came to many things. I always knew my Dad was proud of me and the things I was doing with my life. Sometimes I felt like he was the only one and now with him gone I feel like there is nothing I can do that would make anyone think of me as doing something amazing in life.
The day I got that call saying my Dad was gone was the start to a string of horrible things, but placed in the middle of an already extremely rough year. I had been very sick just months before and it would only be a few months after my Dad died that I would become ill again, lose a couple more family members and have my world come crashing down around me. A man that had promised me to never hurt me, this promise was made the day my Dad died, ended up hurting me to a point where words couldn't even explain the pain. I had gone from being a happy, goof, fun-loving person to not caring about anything. At one point I couldn't take it anymore and just wished I too would lose my life. Life wasn't fun. Getting out of bed was a struggle. Going to work was just a blur. I hated myself, my life and lost sight of the things that mattered most.
I did finally see the light and gave up everything that I knew and had in St. Louis to move in with my family. I needed more help than I knew. Now I am sitting here today writing this as my "avatar" stands in our virtual office, praying that this decision I made doesn't turn out to be the wrong one. It is very hard to know that someone I loved so much will not be around for me anymore. I miss my Dad so much all of the time. I wish I had just a couple more years with him. I know he is no longer in pain and is probably watching me as I write this. I am sure he has his legs again and is perfect and happy, but I do miss him.
So today and many days to come will be hard, this I am aware of, but hopefully soon I will find my path in life that brings me back over to the side where I was for the most part happy.